One fine day, not long ago, N and I joined a worldwide dastardly plot to harass poor patrons in restaurants and airports.
As with all major changes in my life, I reacted with calmness and equanimity. Haha, just kidding. My mind went million miles an hour trying to process words like ‘pregnancy’, ‘ultrasounds’ ‘maternity’, ‘leaning in’, ‘diaper duty’, ‘labour pain’ and so on. Till N very wisely sat me down and deactivated my over-heated brain circuitry. I don’t remember if he slipped something in my water or hypnotised me. But one phrase stuck in my head (much like the horrible Dettol jingle) – one day at a time.
And that is pretty much the credo I have been living by these days.
If you’re ‘in the family way’ or ‘planning for a family’ any time soon, here’s a handy survival kit:
- Develop a sense of humour. The darker, the better.
- Choose a great ob-gyn – someone who will help you make this a happy period, even when you’re nauseous and scared
- If you listened to everyone and their mother about what to eat, you’ll have to subsist on tissues. Check with your doc and stuff your face all you want
- When people tell you horror stories of their birth, visualize their pants coming undone.
- People will insist that you turn into a couch potato, or act like Milkha Singh’s coach from the movie. Unless they’re your doctor, nod and go do your own thing.
- “Your life will change forever. No more sleep-ins/ road trips/ fine dining/great sex. Your baby will complete you. Parenthood will test your relationship” – when you hear things like these, stick your fingers in your ears and go “la la la la la la ..I can’t hear you”
- You can try to be cool and matter-of-fact about this. But there will be unguarded moments when you find yourself smiling and/or talking to a peanut sized being in your lower belly
- It is good if you have lovely visions of a fulfilling motherhood. It’s also cool if you have an empty head, big heart and open mind for the future.
More to come, since I am obviously making things up as I go along. 🙂
P.S. Apologies in advance, all you restaurant goers and frequent fliers. We’re hoping bun-in-the-oven is cute enough for you to not want to go “Hulk Smash” if they spoil your date night/ sleepy flight.