Posted in Family, Memories, pregnancy, Uncategorized

2 pink lines on a stick

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One fine day, not long ago, N and I joined a worldwide dastardly plot to harass poor patrons in restaurants and airports.

As with all major changes in my life, I reacted with calmness and equanimity. Haha, just kidding. My mind went million miles an hour trying to process words like ‘pregnancy’, ‘ultrasounds’ ‘maternity’, ‘leaning in’, ‘diaper duty’, ‘labour pain’ and so on.  Till N very wisely sat me down and deactivated my over-heated brain circuitry. I don’t remember if he slipped something in my water or hypnotised me. But one phrase stuck in my head (much like the horrible Dettol jingle) – one day at a time.

And that is pretty much the credo I have been living by these days.

If you’re ‘in the family way’ or ‘planning for a family’ any time soon, here’s a handy survival kit:

  • Develop a sense of humour. The darker, the better.
  • Choose a great ob-gyn – someone who will help you make this a happy period, even when you’re nauseous and scared
  • If you listened to everyone and their mother about what to eat, you’ll have to subsist on tissues. Check with your doc and stuff your face all you want
  • When people tell you horror stories of their birth, visualize their pants coming undone.
  • People will insist that you turn into a couch potato, or act like Milkha Singh’s coach from the movie. Unless they’re your doctor, nod and go do your own thing.
  • “Your life will change forever. No more sleep-ins/ road trips/ fine dining/great sex. Your baby will complete you. Parenthood will test your relationship” – when you hear things like these, stick your fingers in your ears and go “la la la la la la ..I can’t hear you”
  • You can try to be cool and matter-of-fact about this. But there will be unguarded moments when you find yourself smiling and/or talking to a peanut sized being in your lower belly
  • It is good if you have lovely visions of a fulfilling motherhood. It’s also cool if you have an empty head, big heart and open mind for the future.

More to come, since I am obviously making things up as I go along. 🙂

P.S. Apologies in advance, all you restaurant goers and frequent fliers. We’re hoping bun-in-the-oven is cute enough for you to not want to go “Hulk Smash” if they spoil your date night/ sleepy flight.

 

 

Posted in Food, Random

Plea from a vegetarian

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The recent furore over the ban on beef has brought the veg non-veg debate to the fore again. In coffee shops and workplaces, people are furiously welcoming or questioning the move. (I hear opinions like “Why can’t you not eat just this one animal?” to “How can the government tell me what to eat?”).

Many of my chicken/meat-eating friends are forced to address the issues of animal protection / religious beliefs and defend their personal choices to steak eaters. It’s karma, I observe wryly. For I have been in a similar position countless times as a vegetarian. As someone largely tolerant of others’ dietary choices, it is often annoying to be the butt of (what is wrongly assumed to be) jokes.

Let me take this opportunity to set the record straight:

  • Beef eating makes a lot of you uncomfortable because of your faith and/or social conditioning. I may feel the same too – with ALL meat. Respect that.
  • Don’t ask stupid questions like “What will you eat if you’re marooned on an island?” I may forage for roots n berries. I may start a cannibal cult there, you never know. Either way, it is not hypothetical, it’s dumb.
  • I respect all your food as a source of sustenance. Please extend me the same courtesy. Dissing my paneer, khichdi or idli is immature at best, hypocritical at worst. I may laugh along, but am secretly wishing you diarrhea.
  • Don’t keep asking the better half why he hasn’t “converted” me yet. It’s not our fault you’re an idiot.
  • You know when you tell me to eat “the curry without the chicken pieces”? or when you declare you’ll trick me into eating non-veg some day? Remember Newton’s third law. Also remember, laxatives are easily available in the market.

Ok, so what do we order for dinner now?